WEEKLY INQUISITION:  What's the earliest date a business establishment should put up X-mas decorations, play X-mas music?

UNIMPRESSED CORPS CINEMA CAUCUS: Shut up and Sing!

Topics: Return Fire!, Panda Porno, Lap Dances and Reefer Madness, Robo Calls, Ehrlich and Steele: Upon further review... they're just your typical garden variety slimy Republicans, another celebrity marriage ends in ruin, Sports Segment: Seahawks over Rams.  Respond to the Weekly Inquisition, and the Unimpressed Corps Cinema Caucus, at www.unimpressedcorps.com!

Leave your return fire in the comments section, or on the PPN Board!

Go ahead, indulge yourself at the Republican's expense, Rolling Stone Articles: 'Worst Congress Ever', 'The 10 Worst Congressmen', 'Ohio Burning', Shut Up and Sing. 

Post-Election Episode!!! Topics: Return Fire!, The Blue Wave, Laughing at the expense of Santorum's children (and other Republicans), Weekly Inquisition: What should the Democrats first course of action be?, Bush's idea of 'bi-partisanism', Matt Taibbi's Rolling Stone Articles: "The Worst Congress Ever" and "Ohio Burning", Movie Review: Borat, The Unimpressed Corps Cinema Caucus, Another case of Ace Ventura?

Leave your comments, or head over to the PPN Message Board!

Corporations stiff-arm Air America, Limbaugh goes after Marty McFly, Matt's podcast webpage.

Topics: The White House Halloween Party, 'Progressive' Corporations show their true colors, Rush 'Limp'-baugh on MJF, Republican's political tricks and lies, While You Were Sightless

Thoughts about the show?  Drop me a comment!

The 'Jump The Shark' episode! (w/ special guests Matt & Zemo.) Topics: Return Fire - Drop In Gas Prices, 'Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?', Iraqi's can't charge their I-Pods, Spongebob Dobson clashes with Dick Armey, Bush meets with Conservative hack radio hosts, Movie Review: The Prestige.

Ryan

Screechy Sanchez, I can't believe people fall for this shit, 0.17, The Party of Family Values?, Be warned: This is awful, Night of the Rocking Dead, Be Marc Maron's friend!

THE LITTLE SUPERSTAR!!!

The Mark Foley audio clip I played in episode 15 is from an episode of America's Most Wanted.  The second voice you hear is the host of America's Most Wanted, John Walsh.

Nascar Legend and Moron supports Bush, A Bird In the Hand, G Dubya-Unit, 'Dan Quayle calling out Murphy Brown' Volume 2, Bible-Thumper Crazy-Talk Summit (Sorry, need to complete free registration to LA Times for this one), Washington State Primary Results, Heavyweight Bubba KO's Bantamweight Wallace (via crooksandliars.com), Venture Bros. Clips

Bah, I forgot the Weekly Inquisition question!  There's always one or two items I forget in each episode... and after the good responses last week, too.  Anyways, if you're into it, I'd love to hear everyone's opinion on the story concerning the Values Voter Summit, and the role that the church is currently playing in politics.

And again, if you'd like to be 'Netflix friends', shoot me a line at ryan@unimpressedcorps.com.  Of course my queue is nothing but Grey's Anatomy DVD's at the moment... sigh...

Corrections:  In the Clinton/Wallace audio, I mistakenly stated that Wallace's question was the 1st out of the gate.  It wasn't... it was probably about 6 minutes into the interview.  Wallace wanted to atleast offer some idle chit chat before he began his 'Right-wing Hitjob.'  (But it was Wallace that was assassinated!)

Also, the big-toothed Senator I was trying to remember:  Norm Coleman.  The name suddenly came to me today while standing at the urinal.  No joke.  Funny that my memory was jogged at that particular time.  Hmm...

The Extreme Rant Edition Strikes Back! Topics: MNF at the Superdome, Return Fire!, Professional Left-Turner is a Bush supporter, Garofalo unfairly criticized, Carl Weathers for President!, Dixie Against the Machine, Ice Cube v. 50 Cent, Borat gets Bushie's attention, Political Action Church (PAC), Tran gets trounced, $9 Chocolates and BBQ Sets, Bubba bitchslaps Chris Wallace, Grey's Weepy Anatomy, DVD Review: Venture Bros. Season 1

WEEKLY INQUISITION:  What are your thoughts on celebrities/musicians/artists using their popularity to push a political agenda?

Topics: Return Fire!, My Plan to Catch Osama, Clooney addresses United Nations on Darfur, Rolling Stone article: The Unending Torture of Omar Khadr, the glib Matt Lauer should have sucker-punched Dubya, Denny Hastert sings National Anthem at Qwest Field, DVD Review: United 93, Faith-Based Mockery (or, bible thumpers are computer geeks, too.)

Another thought that strikes me... who the fuck watches this shit?  Reality television was out of control five years ago and it's only... getting... worse.  If it weren't for Lost, there would be absolutely nothing to watch on network television.

Take a peek at the clip on crooksandliars.com -- I think it's summarized best by one of the comments on the site:

Eye poison.

Tucker's chair dance

The weekend's 9/11 horror-fest will do Osama bin Laden's work for him

Here's an excerpt:

The gruelling re-enactment of the London bombings in July and this weekend's 9/11 horror-fest are not news. They exploit grief and horror, and in doing so give gratuitous publicity to Bin Laden and al-Qaida. Those personally affected by these outrages may have their own private memorials. But to hallow the events with repetitious publicity turns a squalid crime into a constantly revitalised political act. It grants the jihadists what they most crave, warrior status. It more than validates terrorism as a weapon of war, it glorifies it.

The best way to commemorate 9/11 is with silence. Instead, Bin Laden must be laughing.

'Pardon me, your ass is ringing.', Republicans learn a new word, Washington State Primary Candidates, Hong Tran for Senate!, Mike likes the drinky, Blood Alcohol Calculator, Old Man Stevens says: Get off my damn lawn!, Eric Bachmann, The #1 Christian Porn Site

WEEKLY INQUISITION: 2 options (or both!)

a) Your most overlooked/underappreciated musical artist

b) Stranded on a deserted island: which five albums?

Happy Start of NFL Season Day! Topics: Return Fire, Unnecessary Prisoner Behavior, Ryan says the F-word, Space Cadets and Manson look-a-likes running for Senate in Washington, Mike McGavick: Booze hound, Stevens on Hollywood Squares, Hip-Hop Dead?, Bloc Party drives stake through my heart, Album Review: Eric Bachmann, Weekly Inquisition, Faith-Based Mockery

In the tradition of Labor Day, the Unimpressed Corps is taking a break this week, and I'll be back next Monday with an all-new episode, the Retro Episode!

Uh... well, as retro as the show can be that's a little more than two months old.  Anyways, I'll be bringing back some favorites from the past, Faith-Based Mockery and the Weekly Inquisition, and more hilarity and other... um... stuff.

But for those of you who depend on me for the news, here's an item for you:  Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter, is dead at 44 of a stingray barb through the chest.  I know, it's barely getting ANY media coverage, so it probably comes as a shock to you... but we'll make it through alright.

BTW, he died filming segments for a show called "The Ocean's Deadliest."  Yo Alanis, that is what we call IRONY -- in all caps.  Not, 10,000 spoons, when all you need is a knife.  Crikey.

Hope you all had a great 3-day weekend, so you in a few...

Ryan

How will I know... if Osama loves me... a say a prayer with ev-ery heart-beat, Pluto's not a dwarf -- it's just planetarily challenged, SAIC programmers avoid working -- instead surf for porn and skanks on Myspace, When Bush Lies Troops Die, The horror... the horror.

My friend Troy's podcast: Tha' Darkside Vibe!

Topics: 100th Listener, Return Fire!, New Edition the target of Al Qaeda strike (Ralph Tresvant wets pants), Pluto: Planet no more, Virtual Crap File, Buddy Lembeck attempts to rewrite history book (again), 'W in 04' bumpersticker rage, White Men Can't Rap, Movie Review: Little Miss Sunshine

Sorry for the delay, folks.  (If it weren't for this 9 to 5 job, I could really get something done with my life.)

Topics: PPN Gang, Return Fire!, News Update: Real Change & Haley Joel gets new starring role in Oz, Nicole Kidman takes on Hezbollah - Hezzie Secretary General tells Nicole off, Court Ruling on Illegal Wiretapping Program, Missing White Girl takes over media coverage... again!, Recent British Terror Plot - will you say how high?, The Grudge: emaciated Japanese boys are not scary!, Rick Santorum isn't at all hypocritical -- as long as you live in opposite-world

I didn't end up talking about it in Episode 8, but there was a preview for a movie called Renaissance that played before A Scanner Darkly -- three seconds into the preview, I turn to my friend Paul and say, "I'm in.  You had me at hello."  It looks amazing!  If you dug the visual look of Sin City, check out the Quicktime movie trailer here!

Corrections:  Atleast twice, I say the word "mindview".  I don't know what the fuck that means.  I assume I was combining "mindset" and "world view".  I'm an idiot. 

Utah doesn't like good movies.

Watch too much Fox News, this is what'll happen to you...

Dr. Crazy-Talk

Yikes, Evangelicals can be spooky.

Well, they've already got the combat boots...

and the haircut.

Remo Williams:  The Adventure Begins!!!

Those are some pretty junkyard new word entries for this year's Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary.  Let's come up with some new one's for next year's edition.

The answers will be read on next week's show!

Judge's Pump - the R version

I'm still surprised the word 'douche bag' is in the dictionary.

Why I hate televangelism/mega-churches.

The Real Change Project

Tucker Carlson:  I wonder what he thinks of Aquaman?

Corrections:  At the beginning of the show, I say "other news programs", seeming to imply that I think The Unimpressed Corps is a news program.  I'm not that much of an idiot -- slip of the tongue.

The Real Change Project is not a company.  It's a non-profit organization.

Batman Begins is in the upper-tier of comic book films, not Batman Returns.  Another screw-up.

Please let me know of any others -- I'm sure there are many, many more. 

Further proof that some people are born evil.  Like Jeffrey Dahmer.  Or Victor Von Doom.  Or Brendan Fraser.  (Alright, maybe not Victor Von Doom.)

My favorite part of this article:

A psychiatrist has diagnosed Buckalew with mental health issues.

Oh, yeah... ya' think?  Just maybe?  (I cannot believe people get paid to make these 'studied diagnoses.')

Listen, Doc... Winona Ryder's got mental health issues.  She sleeps with any 2-bit one-hit grunge-rocker and shoplifts.  (I'd still marry her.)

This kid is straight-up diabolical and should have a tracking chip in his head for the rest of his life, like Ahnuld in Total Recall.  Or Keanu in The Matrix.  Um... I guess Keanu's was in his stomach.  Whatever. 

(Besides A.C. Green that is.)

Um... I just got nothin' to add to this.  It kinda' speaks for itself.  Yeesh.

But it does give me an opportunity to post a pic of Phoebe Cates in a bikini so... Mission Accomplished.

Stephen Hawking:  Ladies Man

Bono's 5th? The Economist, 6/8/06.  (Sorry, article for subscribers only.)

"The Dark Side"

Save the Internet!

Senator Ted explains 'the internets'

This video -- might be the best one I've seen since Radiohead's 'There There'.  Directed by Fernando Apodaca, the video uses no digital effects and took 6 months to make.  I think the time was worth it -- it is incredible.  You can see it on YouTube here:

Life Wasted

I'm not even sure what's happening in this video, all I know is it's creepy, and evil, and visually unsettling, and you just can't stop watching it.

The album is what you've come to expect from Pearl Jam... maybe I'm just in a rock kind of mood, but I'm really enjoying it.  Might be the best album for them since Vs. -- future spins will see if it has lasting power in my musical rotation.

I also admire the band's willingness to take a stand for something, politically.  There seem to be few artists out there willing to take that chance, to possibly alienate a segment of the population that could cost them a few album sales.  Is Green Day and The Dixie Chicks all we've got?  (And although I'm not a fan of his music, Kanye West's best performance was telling the truth during that Katrina telethon.)

Aren't we at a point where the endless whining of emo-rockers, still lamenting that cute redhead who rejected them in High School, seems a bit trivial?

Keith Olbermann ran a story of this event on the June 29th episode of Countdown, and I was mesmerized -- a truly awe inspiring event.  Gun enthusiasts come from all over, hauling their own personal military arsenal, to let loose 1000's of rounds on an outside firing range, blowing shit up.  They even have organized competitions, such as "Sniper Match" and "Kill the Car".

If you don't happen to possess your own Heckler & Koch MP5 sub-machine gun (what's wrong with you?) don't worry -- there are gun rental companies on the premises to fulfill all your G.I. Joe fantasies.

And the kids are welcome, too!  Check the 8-year-old girl in the video, firing that enormous mounted machine gun.  Isn't she precious? 

I was raised in a liberal family in Alaska -- no guns in our house.  I was always jealous of my friends air rifles, and their .22's.  But I still grew up watching G.I. Joe (Zartan is badass), and Rambo, and remember the endless games of Army in the summer, firing toy rifles at my friends.

Despite my lefty-stance on most issues, I've always been against gun control.  I believe there should be strict gun licensing laws, and a lengthy application process to purchase firearms, but if you're a law-abiding, tax-paying American, it's your right to own an automatic weapon if you choose.

But don't give me this bullshit that you need your AK-47 to protect your family -- I think a handgun or shotgun would fit that bill just fine.  Just tell me the truth -- you dig big guns.  I can understand that, guns are cool!  And machine guns are even cooler.  So if it's your hobby to head to the firing range, or you want to blow up some tree stumps on your property, knock yourself out.